Friday, October 31, 2008
...Shit.
I missed the options submission deadline. Ah wells.Posted by Denunciator at 10:56 AM
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
So much to say, and so little time
Irrationality.This word sums up my month. I've been irrational, my perspectives irrational... Ever since we've taken 2C's classroom, I've felt this... oppressive sensation about it, yet I didn't know why or how it came about - it just felt wrong, so very wrong, to be inside. In there, I feel uncomfortable, not myself; everytime I left, I became more cheerful, more "energetic", so to speak. I didn't realize till last week, but ever since, I've tried my best to not stay in it, least of all alone.
Then there's my life. I've regally screwed it up, taking so many wrong steps, again and again - now, I almost regret having even stepped into HPPS. I've met nice people, and some not so nice; this whole confusion and metacognition thing is wearing me down. I hate the idiot who invented the 16 Habits of Mind and I hate having learnt to reflect. I'd rather live oblivious to my surroundings.
I owe everyone an insight, an insight into how I live and what actually goes on in my head, if anything goes on at all. First of all, I'm stingy - that much, I admit. Forced by my surroundings, I've had to live frugal from young - $1 a day in Primary School is hardly enough to sustain life, much less say to hang out, buy clothes and presents. From young, I haven't had any much enjoyments, and that meant that I lacked social life. My only advantage back then was, ironically, my Chinese - it was a powerful weapon, and yet that weapon was double-edged - with it, I hurt myself, and in ways I didn't even begin to comprehend till last year.
Then there's my ignorance. Upbringing is the process of shaping a human, or so the Chinese believe - I was brought up to respect, to follow decisions without question; almost befitting of the dog star I was born under. I meekly followed, and yet I could still feel what people thought, felt, meant. I could sense the disdain of some of my extended family, how they looked down upon us, for being poor, not as successful... at 11, I could stand no more. I couldn't just be oppressed like that, just follow the will like some little dog... I had to have some independence.
I had no idea what I was missing out when I decided to study hard. In return for getting exceptional results for a term or two, I sacrificed what little friends I had; I sacrificed my entire being, my soul, for that little scrap of revenge. I had an insight into how "mugging" was actually like, working till and through midnight, books sprawled all over my table. All my life, I hadn't studied, and this change was unwelcome. The dawning came less than a year later; towards the end of P6, I suddenly realized how much I was missing out, how little I interacted - not only because of my doings, but because of the background I was born in; the Chinese called this "先天运", meaning "pre-ordained luck". I was fated to end up this way, and this way, I would accept. I had questions, of course, but I suppressed them.
And yet it wasn't enough. Not understanding hurt; in that aspect, I resemble Gabriel Gray. I had to understand, not only what people said, but also what people thought; I wanted back my easy acceptance of inferences, of how I could sense the thoughts of other people. Above all, I needed to understand current affairs. And that was when the Internet kicked in. Wiki was a fantastic source of information - then up and coming, I was one of the first few people who utilized it; not much, but I still did.
Towards the end of PSLE, I had to suffer going to the shop, the shop where my uncle and aunt worked. I was pretty fine there, but something told me of displeasure, told me of some undercurrent of hate. I had no idea how and why, but I was determined to excel, to prove myself. Then I stepped into HCI, and learnt then, how little and insignificant I was. I fell in love with nature, with the greater world, and how every piece fitted in to form the beautiful murals. I was moved by simple things like music, something, anything, that was soothing to my nerves.
But there still lay the problem of excelling - I had to find untouched fields, to find places and directions that nobody in my family had ever tread. I finally decided on current knowledge. I read up on everything I could; every little reference in books, I checked up. I went to the extent of scouring libraries for information on that particular topic. The sprawling web kept going on, with me completing books only once every day; then I had to read a second and third time, to let the book's meaning itself sink in, and not only that of the individual words.
You'll find my inventory of topics interesting - they ranged every subject, from archeology to zoology; I had a little bit of every information embedded in my brain, ready to be recalled and expounded on at any time. I read about the LHC from Dan Brown's books long before the project was announced; I read about the NSA, about their exploits, about TRANSLTR. From then, I gained interest in technology, especially in the programming part - whilst people were immersed in the miracles of Microsoft Word, I was busy trying to understand how every function worked; although I didn't succeed, I still gained a glimpse into the powers of programming, and about the different languages.
Truth be told, programs are hard to write; there are the born writers, and then there are the editors; I fall into the latter category. The only thing I can do with programs is to dissect the code, understand how they worked, and work on it to suit my needs or make it better.
Then the fiasco came; perhaps I was momentarily affected by a mood swing, but I was really unhappy with my life right then, and took a big risk which spiraled into a vicious cycle. Although I came out relatively unharmed, it left a particularly deep scar on me, a scar which I would remember as long as I've lived. Of why, I can only say this:
People who have never lived through it will never understand, never understand the need that pushes us to eat meager amounts for meals, to slog our guts out doing work that makes no sense to others. I can't simply waltz into Vivo with friends to shop, to buy stuff and impress others; I can't even get a girl, both by looks and by monetary possessions. I can't buy little presents, can't.... plenty of things. Nobody will ever understand how I feel unless by miracle, everyone became as poor as me. Meanwhile, people will just stand there, mockingly laughing before carrying on shopping and hanging out with their friends, continuing being "cool". Perhaps that's why I hang out with the "outcasts" - not Tim, Chun and Bralee. By that, I mean people who are hated by the class, discriminated for certain, different reasons.
People who may understand a little more than others.
And yet nobody will ever piece who I truly am, til the day comes where I decide to revenge.
More to come when I have the mood.
Posted by Denunciator at 5:48 PM
Friday, October 17, 2008
Blah blah
Today was an utter waste of time (yet again, much?)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI8-tk6FeyA
Warning: Chinese. But nice song.
No, it's not from a modern singer; methinks the 80's or 90's.
Anyway, I was considering going for the chalet, but decided against it. Lots of factors, but one would be time.
I guess.
Posted by Denunciator at 6:43 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hackers
Are split into 3 tiers.1st tier. The most godly, and least known. They have complete understanding of how programs work, and all their tools are customized to the finest points. Most of them are white-hat hackers - they hack their own organization to find loopholes, and patch them. More often than not, their tools are written by themselves.
2nd tier. Your security consultants and network administrators. They understand the "basics" of every OS, and has a complete mastery in 1.
3rd tier. Your hacker-in-the streets, most common and least respected. These are "hacks" and "glory hounds" out for nothing but glory. Their tools are mostly found off the Net, and they hack just for the taste of how unauthorized access feels like. Because they are not afraid to try out new tools, they unleash things that they don't even fully understand, leading to a data crisis.
---
Rule 8: There are no real rules about posting.
Rule 9: There are no real rules about moderation either.
Posted by Denunciator at 9:40 AM
Monday, October 13, 2008
Today
= waste of time.ftl.
@Bralee: YOU HAVE MY PHONE :(
Rule 3: We are Anonymous.
Rule 4: Anonymous is legion.
Rule 5: Anonymous never forgives.
Rule 6: Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.
Rule 7: Anonymous is still able to deliver.
Posted by Denunciator at 5:33 PM
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Lyfe.
Comp time shortened to 2 hrs a day. They still don't know of my results; when they do, I'll probably get a perma-ban.Rule 1: Do not talk about /b/.
Rule 2: Do NOT talk about /b/.
---
Denun.
Posted by Denunciator at 5:58 PM
Friday, October 10, 2008
Geog.
I am not happy at all.The test fiasco not enough issit?
My current IH results, including 12 ACE and 4 OP, is 58%.
I only need that 3 more ACE to get a B4.
Does that make sense to anyone?
Perhaps, to you guys out there, it doesn't matter; I'm just a tiny negligible fragment of your life.
To me, however, not getting that ACE which was duly owed to me is spoiling my mood right now. I am very, very unhappy. Not as much sad as angry, though; I'm still capable of rational talk. Except I will shout at the next person who attempts to piss me off.
Watch your backs.
Posted by Denunciator at 8:47 PM
De-motivated.
(2+3+1+4+4+9+5)/7 = 4.Posted by Denunciator at 8:39 PM
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
>_> Which lame sheet did this?
Posted by Denunciator at 10:58 PM
"[I] hold the world in contempt."http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/singaporeseen/viewContent.jsp?commentPageNo=10&id=37730#
Posted by Denunciator at 9:38 PM
Sick, literally.
Very sweet coffee and 10 biscuits in the mornin' ain't a good idea.So uh, IS test today, at 10:30. I figured I'd leave at 9:15.
At 9, I went into the loo, and bathed... then I had a horrible stomachache. Nothing new. Sit down at the toilet bowl - diarrhea sets in. After that, when I've cleaned up and got my butt off, like, 1 hour later? 10:15. Great, so I'll just be late and hope YongJS forgives me. Then dizzy spell. Then I got sick, all over the toilet. Cleaning up was HELL.
Great. Just great.
Posted by Denunciator at 7:02 PM
Monday, October 6, 2008
Private Server. What's new in v60?
Items:- Pirate equips.
- Colorful scrolling!
- Anniversary Scrolls.
- Clean Slate Scroll - resets 1 failed slot.
Mob interaction:
- Status effects - player on mob, mob on player.
- HP bars for some more bosses.
- Some bosses (Papu, Zak, HT) now summon.
Player interaction:
- Rings.
- New party interface.
- Juices! Mages will love this one!
ETC:
- Ariant!
- Crimsonwood Keep. Beware the evil Totem Poles!
- More cash (Nexon ._.)
- Follow the Lead Pet.
Posted by Denunciator at 4:58 PM
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Back to P4.
Great. Now, exam time = no com.Bloody freaking 1 exam left.
JUST 1.
You can't study for it either.
I'm, for once, getting ANGRY.
Very, very angry.
Posted by Denunciator at 7:27 PM
Private Server update
AP and SP reset scrolls work.HP and MP stats can be pumped.
Posted by Denunciator at 4:05 PM
Saturday, October 4, 2008
dots.
Posted by Denunciator at 8:31 PM
Dear 2O ppl
Private servers are back, stronger than ever! Now at v60, these features are available:- Follow the Lead Pet skill. Equip 3 pets, activate the skill and see a special effect!
- Wedding. For real this time round; a real wedding ceremony, with binding rings!
- Ring effects. When both parties equip the ring, you'll see the effect of the ring take place!
...
I suck at advertising. Those are just 3 of the main effects; there are plenty of little things waiting for you to find, including the legendary Ariant and the UNRELEASED SUNSET DESERT! So go and play, nao!
Posted by Denunciator at 6:10 PM
MapleStory
Ish lame.Posted by Denunciator at 5:40 PM
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Smile:)
Made a new friend on the PPF! She's 12, lol...No, I'm not interested in her >_>
Just saying, who says all PPF'ers are retards?
Posted by Denunciator at 10:03 PM
...
3 more tests.English Paper II will be average-hard.
Lit is crazy.
Chinese Paper II will be average-hard.
Today?
Math paper was full of trick questions, I'll probably get owned.
Science? Bloody hell, I mugged so hard for chem - in the end only 1 page, and full of crap about Bio and Physics.
Lesson? Whatever I mug for doesn't come up in the exams.
Gah .______________________.
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Posted by Denunciator at 5:18 PM
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Your view on yourself:Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
So true! =)
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx