Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Relation.
Iunno. I'm not one for relationships, and yet... Iunno. Been feeling really weirded out lately, and getting freaked at the thoughts my mind are suggesting, not all of them perverse, but yet still against society's morals and worse of all, MY OWN moral stand. I'm beginning to feel like a hypocrite, thinking all those stuff; after all, I myself hated gays.
And that brought me to serious reflection. After reading thousands of chapters of fanfiction, I've finally realized something I didn't see: innate bisexuality. In myself. I never realized that, until I met...
him and
her. Both of them matter to me more than myself, more than my life... and yet... they are not my closest friends. As for
her, I don't even talk to her now. I guess enmity still remains. Off to cry now. Tmr's by b-day, so uh... yeah. Happy birthday to me.
Edit:
I suddenly thought of something. There's two kinds of "gayness", innit? One is the very obviously, blatantly gay one, which constitutes "gay body language" like taking handbags, strutting around like a woman.
The other kind is emotionally, like caring much more for a guy than is deemed normal. Which is what I am, right now.
Maybe I just want to get out of this situation.
To find an excuse for myself.
Maybe I'm just in denial.
Either way, just know... I'll always be there for both of you.
Posted by Denunciator at 8:46 PM