Sunday, May 10, 2009
Confrontation
I can think of no better way to start my new life in Singapore without being depressing. Perhaps it is one of my natural thought or emotional processes, if you could take that as an explanation. Emotion is but the interpretation of your hormonal changes with respect to a matter or person. Taking it at face value, of course, there would be no purpose in feeling anger or any other feeling towards anyone or thing. This is termed "detachment". Detached to life, I may be, but I feel anchored by mortality: the knowledge that one would die at any time.
Perhaps this is why I am more human than anyone I know: I try too hard to feel. Even as I type this, I'm thinking of what emotion to conjure. Should I feel happy? Or sad? Or confused? Even confusion itself would be better than just robotically putting finger to keyboard, just typing out line after line of meaningless text.
As the drums of my life thunder on, pushing me towards the precipice of death, I finally understand: I was not made to be me.
---
Life thus far has been kind to me; I hope it will continue to be kind.
---
There is really no meaning in continuing to read the text laid out below unless you're intent on blowing your brains out reading what you know to be a socially-smote taboo.
---
Monday - UneI always hated Mondays: it implied school. Or was purgatory the right word? The tedium of school life drove into me like a piledriver, driving me to the abyss of sleep - if sleep were described as the inert periods between activity.
The bell tolled in the city square just as the minute hand on my clock shifted infinitesimally, pushing the time to six am. Out the window, I could see the light sifting through the thick cedar trees, bathing my entire bedroom in a warm golden glow. The perfection of the topaz topping my staff showed up even more clearly, light beams diffracting in just the right way to emphasize the different parts of my small bedroom; at the foot of my bed, I had a study table, clean even after the previous night's study. To the right, there was a small floor space, then there was the door; the wall beside it was covered with a bookshelf - all my stuff was on it: weapon, robe, gloves... and books. To a magician, intelligence and knowledge was the most important things. There was a soft crow outside the window; a blue bird was flying towards the newborn sun, its plume shining, outmatching even the glittering sea in beauty. Sighing in content, I allowed myself a couple of minutes of indulgence. I smelt the morning dew, heard the rustling of the grass in the morning breeze, felt the softness of my bed. "Hey, Ben!" The soft tone broke the silence in a melody, reality rising in a crescendo above my lucidity, pulling me towards consciousness. Sitting up, I looked out the window, and an angel smiled back. His eyes stared into mine, the heartbreaking hazel eyes perfecting the expression. Although he was so much more perfect than I was, I felt no jealousy - we were practically brothers, inseparable limbs, and I wouldn't do anything to hurt that relationship.
"Get up, sleepyhead! It's almost seven!" For a moment, I was confused as to why I was awake so early; he was shocked. "You mean... you don't remember...?" Oh crap! For having forgotten about our agreement... "I... I'm sorry!" I felt my heart ache; a tear rolled down my left cheek. Instantly, he had teleported behind me, a cold finger catching my tear. I felt his embrace, saw his right hand on my stomach, his left hand on my cheek. Glancing to the right, I looked at his perfect face - it was a mask of agony, agony that I should cry for that. "It's okay, don't cry..." he murmured, his soft voice singing in my ear. I sighed as he tilted his head slightly, his lips resting against my collarbone. A long moment passed, a frozen moment of perfection, then he abruptly pulled away. "You'd better get dressed," he said, turning and walking out of the door. Immediately, I leapt out of bed to retrieve my robe.
---"
Ten minutes later, we were standing in the courtyard behind the school, ready for another day of magical training. He was again standing behind me, so close that I could feel the coolness radiating from his limbs. His hand brushed against mine, and a piece of paper appeared in it. Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I uncrumpled the paper and glanced down. There were just two words: "Ten", and "back". Understanding, I crushed the paper, whispering, "Burning Hand." My hand glowed for a moment, and I unclenched my fist; ashes drifted to the ground. I heard a soft chuckle behind me; I couldn't help but smile as well. "Today, we'll be having a lesson on ice spells. Everyone spread out; leave five feet between each other." The giant courtyard was soon filled with noise and people; somehow, we found our way into a perfect rectangular formation without aid. I suppose in that area we're talented, I smirked internally. "What do we use this much space for?" Someone asked, his voice carrying across the meadow clearly. "Watch."
The sky darkened; icicles fell from the dark clouds, striking the ground with a surprising silence. Where they struck, a field of ice expanded, but it wasn't really a field - just an imaginary circle which froze everything within it. The meadow glittered with whatever little sunlight could stream through the darkness. "It looks kinda like my paradise, sans the lake," his voice murmured. Shocked, I turned; he was standing there. "Aren't you supposed to be five feet away?" I asked through gritted teeth. He grinned. "I don't care." I rolled my eyes. "You somehow have the ability to make me smile even though I'm not in the least bit amused," I said; his face lit up with happiness. "Really?" I nodded, trying to keep my face straight... and failing.
"What's so funny?" The voice was cold, lethal. Instantly, he jumped to my defense. "I was telling him something." The teacher narrowed his eyes. "It would appear you have no need to heed instructions. Demonstrate, then, the spell I have just used." I rolled my eyes. As if that would be a problem... The teacher continued, grinning, "If you can even cast a spell." Everyone laughed. Conversationally, he retorted, "The advantage of being the least liked person in a class is that you tend to practice more. Blizzard." The already overcast sky disappeared entirely, leaving a single gap; the sun shone down on him, lighting the area closest to him. Under his breath, he muttered, "Get out of the way." In the instant I shifted, a freezing spear crashed down, freezing a radius of almost two meters. Everyone gasped. Beams of ice fell down rapidly, glowing like lamps in a dark night... which was what they were. I stepped up behind him. "You didn't tell me," I said, accusingly; he apologized. "Nonetheless, you were amazing," I said, laughing. The teacher was nowhere to be seen - probably went off to hide. "Free period!" a magician said, and everyone dispersed. It was still just past eight in the morning. Again, that perfect piece of eternity.
And again, that shattering melody. "What about now?"
---
The forest was silent as we stepped into it, walking down the rarely-used path. Ancient trees towered over us, muffling the rustling sounds as we stepped on the long-dead leaves. Small beams of sunlight shone through, enough to light the path, but otherwise leaving the forest relatively dim. As we tread down the small path, a serenity that I didn't deserve fell over me, masking my doubts at walking so far into unknown territory. Beside me, he was completely at ease, his arms moving along with his swift steps. I felt clumsy beside his graceful movement, wondering, not for the first time, how he managed to hold himself like this. Although he happened to be one of the least popular people in our class, he was, as far as the girls in the school were concerned, a heart-throb. Probably contributing to his popularity index, I thought, as we walked even further. Around us, light was beginning to fade, the dimness slowly progressing to an oppressing darkness. "How far more?" He shook his head, a slight smile lighting up his face. I felt my breath catch. "Please?" He raised an eyebrow, amused. "Just a little. Hold on, okay?" I bit my lip and stared down at the forest floor, trying not to visualize the unseen canopy and what might be inside.
This was probably why I didn't notice where I was going, until I was knee-deep in cold water. Shocked, I looked around: I was at a lake. Perhaps it would be wrong to call it a lake, for it was hidden deeply in a forest, light barely filtering through. The dimness was not unwelcome, and I felt the throbbing danger fade. Turning, I saw him - he was standing in a patch of light, eyes shut; he looked as if he were bathing in sunlight. Uneasy, I decided what to do next - my robe was wet, but I couldn't possibly take it off; casting a fire spell might end up in disaster. Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, all I could do was wait... And wait I did. It was nearly ten minutes later that he finally sighed and opened his eyes.
"Shall we take a dip?"
Posted by Denunciator at 9:51 AM